The “Fat Amy” way of life.

It’s no secret that my self esteem has been a work in progress. After spending 10 years in a relationship that took all of that from me, it was gone. I’m not blaming my ex, I take the blame, I should have fought for me, but…. I didn’t think that I was worthy of fighting for, and the truth of the matter…..sometimes I still don’t.

I continue to use what I call the “Fat Amy” way of living, assuming you all saw pitch perfect, Fat Amy calls herself that so that no one else can say it first, so that no one can make fun of her weight because she’s already done it. First time I saw this movie, I thought “Genius” so I was doing that, pointing out how terrible I looked, or how fat I am, or how unintelligent or unworthy I was. Just before someone else got the chance to say it about me.  I am sure you are all wincing reading this because either you are noticing that you do it too or it makes you feel uncomfortable. Well, it does that same for me, now that I am so wholeheartedly focusing on self love and acceptance even writing the words makes me sick.

I’m sure that while I thought everyone was saying this about me in reality they didn’t see the stuff that I created for myself in my mind, and saying it just made me believe it, made my mind soak it in, which is horrifying. I was my own worst enemy, I blamed it on other people saying “they would say it, I’m just saying what they are thinking.” But, were they? No, I was. I was the one I was running from when I cried myself to sleep. And because of the words I was saying, I didn’t have the love to tell myself otherwise.

So, I stopped. I focused on my beauty, my goals, my accomplishments, my career, my hobbies, my fitness and my acceptance. And guess what happened… life got better! And guess what I came to find, most people where saying really positive things about me, and the ones that weren’t because of my self love and confidence, they didn’t bother me, I knew they were just projecting their hurt onto me.

The point is, we cannot learn to see our worth, our beauty, or the difference we are making in the world if we are the ones putting ourselves down. I’m abolished my “Fat Amy” way of living and am still entering one of self love, saying the things that I deserve to say about myself.

I am beautiful

I am strong

I am determined

I am healthy

I do not give up

I am worthy

and so much more, all things I have been depriving myself of.

I hope the same for you… find the ways to love and accept yourself, because you deserve it.