Tag: anxiety

5 rules for your self talk

healingthrugrowth

I’m laying down 5 rules, 5 rules for self talk, 5 rules for abolishes negative self talk, 5 rules for establishing a beautiful language for an inner monologue…they are going to come out like they are simple, easy to follow, but they aren’t.

These are all things that I struggle with daily but continue to actively keep in my mind because it’s an uphill battle always, whether you come from trauma, are currently going through a mess, trying to heal, or are just living life with all the surrounding influence it’s never easy to just look at yourself and be overcome with the beauty, the progress, the bad ass that you are, so let’s actively give it a shot!

So here we go….

1. Praise what your body has done!

It’s carried you through this life, maybe provided you with children, fought off infection, or disease, walked you to every place you’ve been, let you see the miracles each day brings, let you hear the beautiful sounds of every moment, the stories of your parents, the laughter of your friends, and let you live, love, and embrace all the moments. Every stretch mark, jelly roll, muscle, scar, smile line….they show an amazing story, a wonderful life, you are here because of this vessel so give it love.

2. Don’t say anything to yourself you wouldn’t say to your son or daughter.

I think about this one actively….although I am not a mother, I think about my students. In my brain I think “man you look terrible, fat, ugly, you are a mess”…well I sure as hell wouldn’t let my babes talk like that to themselves so I’m not going to do it to myself or I am the largest hypocrite. Love on yourself the way you establish self love and confidence in the minds of your babes.

3. FORGIVE

You are human, live life, make mistakes, do things that you will never regret having done….and if you do end up regretting it….get rid of it. Forgive yourself and move on because all worry does is make you relive it twice, twenty times, a hundred times, and it will make you sick, you will feel like an embodiment of your mistakes and that is not fair to you, because you are so much more.

4. Be your loudest cheerleader

Believe in yourself, you were once a little girl/boy that had amazing, loud, and miraculous dreams for your future….don’t let them down, if you want to do something…there is NEVER a perfect time so take the leap, do it, you or will never regret the times that you fought for yourself, that you did something for you, that you smashed your goals, and encouraged your inner bad ass. You only get one life, so do it big.

Get that degree, take that vacation, start that new hobby, buy the motorcycle…whatever your story, pursue it!

5. Listen to yourself

If you are anxious, worried, feeling guilty, feeling insecure or unsafe. Do not disregard those feelings, listen to them, validate them and give yourself time to get through them, don’t shove it down…process it.

I learned this one first hand, I was embarrassed about how I was feeling so I’d shove it down in hopes it would go away…it doesn’t so, I got a journal, I processed, wrote it all out and then…well I burned it. I got rid of the negative self doubt, but not until I had gone through it all and respected my body enough to listen.

So there it is, give it all you have, for me. Your mental health is comparative to your physical, if you go to the gym once, you don’t walk about looking like Jlo.

Same with your mental health if you do it once you won’t be surrounded with the self love, it’s an daily active participation situation.

You are worth all the love that you are giving to others, so share some with yourself.

Make a mistake!

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I’m not sure when it happened but at some point mistakes became unacceptable.

Look at society, you drink too much, you say the wrong thing, you make the wrong move…you are done. Over, not forgiven but yet humiliated and chastised for something that you aren’t proud of either, but it isn’t looked at with love, it isn’t looked at with forgiven, or with grace, or understanding. Why?

And why do we do it to ourselves in the worst way?

And what do we do to fix it?

Life is beautiful, we are supposed to make mistakes, we are supposed to live, and love with no regrets…how can we do that with anxiety and worry?

So…I’ve figured it out, and I’m going to share the secret with you…for free, I know, you are welcome.

Life your life, stop giving a shit about opinions that don’t matter, say sorry when you need to, but LIVE with no regrets, with full focus on yourself. If you want to do something do it! If you fail…the people that truly love you will be there to catch you when you fall, they won’t chastise you, they will care for you through it all.

I’m ALWAYS worried about what others think, I mean ALL of the time. So, I’m trying to be done giving a fuck. (Excuse the language but I mean it.) I’m writing this post selfishly, I’m doing it for me, as a reminder to stop being so scared, to start standing up, living my truth, and doing it without being terrified of the opinions of others.

I obsess over what I do and say after I’ve done it, I’ve even been known to write down and entire conversation after I’ve had it with a person to read it over and see where I could have made them angry, I know, not the healthiest move, and that’s why I am being honest with you about it. IT DOESN’T MATTER.

After doing this a few times I thought, why am I so worried about people leaving me or being done loving me if I say one thing wrong, and if they do…do I need these people in my life?

Hell no. And neither do you, find the people who love you, let them help foster the confidence in you that you deserve.

You deserve to live every part of your life; without the opinion of others, with the grace of the ones that you love, and with zero regrets ALWAYS.

So join me?

Join me in the art of finding the ones who are willing to love you along the journey….also let me add, it’s me.

If you feel that you have no one that treats you that way, reach out because I’m always down to hear about the wonderful choices you are making to make your life yours.

Self Care

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What does Self care look like for you?

I’m sitting here on this snow day, curled up in a fluffy blanket, cuddling my dogs, coloring, and watching friends.

I’m in full self-care mode.

But this is not the fullest extent of my self care, in the last year self-care has looked very clearly like rerouting my entire journey, I pulled family and friends closer, I shut people out, I was selfish with my time, I smashed goals for me, I focused on my fitness, I surrounded myself with the positive, and I devoted myself to a journey of self love. This was a massive leap into self care, and let me tell you……IT MADE EVERY DIFFERENCE.

So this is me telling you to make the jump, do it for you. If you need to cut something out, do it! If you are sad because you’ve distanced from a friend…contact them. If you are upset with the number on the scale….change it. If you haven’t made enough time for you….make it.

If you want to go on an adventure…..plan it. If you want to further your career….make the move.

All of this self care will make the difference and it will never be something you regret because you did it for you. Life is too short to not be the one in your own corner. Be your own biggest fan.

Take your life into your own hands and change it if you feel the calling.

Self care is often the little moments that look like this: a bubble bath, a face mask, a glass of wine, some yoga, writing, reading….there are a thousand ways that We make sure we take care of ourselves and this is necessary for anyone.

Whether it’s the little moments or the massive leaps. Take the move into self care and do it for you, because my darling you are worth it.

Confessions of a former people pleaser.

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Welcome to confessions of a former people pleaser:

I’ve been a people pleaser all my life, I fit in with every “group” or clique in high school because I wanted to be liked so bad. I did the same thing into college and now into the working world. Until I didn’t.

When I became a teacher I started to realize very quickly that being a people pleaser wasn’t going to work anymore, I had to get past this fear of people being mad at me, or judging me, or not liking me, or not agreeing with me.

I never stood up for myself in my last relationship, everything was always my fault (yeah even his cheating, ugh but I’ll get to that🤦🏼‍♀️) but I didn’t want confrontation so that was the way it had to be. Then, something clicked.

I remember I was at school, my first year in the PreK program, a teacher from another program had stated that one of my babes was “unteachable”….now any of you teachers out there…..I know you are already FUMING…..as was I…..so I snapped. In a very leveled headed and professional way, but at the end of this she no longer worked in my room and my relationship with her was over. And when I went to go hug that student (who has made incredible strides, I can’t really even talk to him anymore without getting teary

-eyed because I’m so proud.) I was beaming, I did it. I stood up for myself, for my kiddo. I was not ashamed at all, and I didn’t give a SHIT that she didn’t like me anymore.

From that moment, it spiraled…..I had told my ex if I found him on another dating site I was gone, and he didn’t believe me, why would he? He knew I was a people pleaser, I’d be too scared of the fight, of him begging for me to stay, but I had a new fight within me, so I found it. And left. Never looked back.

More times than not in finding this new strength it works out to be beautiful. It’s fine that people don’t like you, it’s AMAZING when you stand your ground, because the world needs more people to stand up for what’s right.

Let’s start a revolution. But very simply, let’s grow our words and our voice, don’t be ashamed of fighting you fight or ruffling some feathers along the way.

If you make people mad, you make them think, and what a beautiful gift.

I’m gonna say it….

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We know it as something we aren’t supposed to talk about, its something that we need to shove deep down and hide within ourselves, only to wear a smile on our face and act like its all okay.

Well, the purpose behind this blog is to abolish that. So I’m going to say it, I have a Mental Illness……BOO! Did it terrify you to read? Well then click away now, or hang out and learn a little bit.

Mental illness is NOTHING to be ashamed of. It effects so many of us, day to day you pass numerous people that are going through the same things that you are. But we don’t have any idea…. why? Because we are told that it is a dirty word, there is nothing dirty or shameful about having anxiety, or about experiencing depression. In fact, there is everything beautiful about your battle.

Those of us that have a mental illness are made to feel that us expressing ourselves makes others uncomfortable, but what makes us uncomfortable is our minds…. how terrible is that to have the one thing that is supposed to be with you and working for you, actually make you feel desperate for love, but at the same time unworthy from day to day. When we are vulnerable enough to open up and actually tell you about how we are feeling, take that as an amazing and free moment for us and a moment filled with love and trust for you.

We deserve to not be a curse word, to not be told to “calm down” or “just stop thinking about it” or “get over it” because TRUST ME we would if we could.

So to those of you that are trying to understand mental illness because it effects a loved one of yours….. thank you, seriously from the bottom of my heart thank you for loving them enough to try. And for those of you struggling with mental illness and how to express it in your world, do it how it makes sense for you. That might be not at all, it might be shouting from a mountain top, it might be messaging a friend and telling them how you feel. Whatever your way is, you are doing it right because there is NOTHING that needs to be hidden, nothing about you is shameful.

BE POWERFUL WITHIN YOUR TRUTH.

Secure your masks before helping those around you.

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I want to talk about the rule on every airplane…you know the one about breathing masks….“secure your own before helping the people around you.” If you aren’t breathing, you aren’t much help, same goes for being mentally healthy or generally exhausted.

So turns out, you can’t be everything to everyone, you can’t do everything by yourself, and that’s okay. But to some of us (that’s me speaking with wishful thinking, because it might be just me) we want to be everything and do everything….but I’ll let you all in on a little secret….eventually…..it starts to eat away at you.

Today sucked (that’s a PreK swear word, but I’m going to use it.)

I was burning the candle at both ends all day, it started when I tried to ignore anxiety symptoms in the morning I brushed them off and boy did they come back with a vengeance.

Work was a Murphy’s law situation (everything that can go wrong will) and then I came home to be frustrated that I had to cook dinner. So now that I’m in the bubble bath reflecting on my “bad day” here’s what I know:

1. My anxiety was not that bad this morning, but had I acknowledged and respected my feelings before ignoring them, I could have resolved things. But instead I shoved it down to run around and take care of a problem that was not my own.

2. Yes, A TON went wrong at school today but i has MANY coworkers offer to help that I brushed off or told them I was fine and didn’t need it.

3. I was there for my babes, but I did not need to be everywhere and everything for each and everyone of them when there were many moments that I could have fostered their independence and encouraged their discovery of feelings and thoughts.

4. My fiancé offered 55 times to make dinner, everytime I blew it off and mumbled something about it being “my job.”

And now, here I sit, Justin very kindly kissed me, and told me to channel everything to a blog post from the bathtub (whether this was because he was annoyed with me or because he was being sweet…I won’t speculate)

Either way this is a consistent lesson for me.

I don’t have to chip away at pieces of myself to make everything look good or to solve the worlds problems…and neither do you!

Make time for you, help others of course, but don’t let that overshadow self care.

We can’t change the world if we don’t start with our own hearts and minds.

You matter, your care matters, so take it! It’s not a weakness it’s a strength, and such an incredible blessing to be surrounded by people who can help and want to.

Make time for you because you are doing great things ❤️