Tag: depression

Confessions of a former people pleaser.

healingthrugrowth

Welcome to confessions of a former people pleaser:

I’ve been a people pleaser all my life, I fit in with every “group” or clique in high school because I wanted to be liked so bad. I did the same thing into college and now into the working world. Until I didn’t.

When I became a teacher I started to realize very quickly that being a people pleaser wasn’t going to work anymore, I had to get past this fear of people being mad at me, or judging me, or not liking me, or not agreeing with me.

I never stood up for myself in my last relationship, everything was always my fault (yeah even his cheating, ugh but I’ll get to that🤦🏼‍♀️) but I didn’t want confrontation so that was the way it had to be. Then, something clicked.

I remember I was at school, my first year in the PreK program, a teacher from another program had stated that one of my babes was “unteachable”….now any of you teachers out there…..I know you are already FUMING…..as was I…..so I snapped. In a very leveled headed and professional way, but at the end of this she no longer worked in my room and my relationship with her was over. And when I went to go hug that student (who has made incredible strides, I can’t really even talk to him anymore without getting teary

-eyed because I’m so proud.) I was beaming, I did it. I stood up for myself, for my kiddo. I was not ashamed at all, and I didn’t give a SHIT that she didn’t like me anymore.

From that moment, it spiraled…..I had told my ex if I found him on another dating site I was gone, and he didn’t believe me, why would he? He knew I was a people pleaser, I’d be too scared of the fight, of him begging for me to stay, but I had a new fight within me, so I found it. And left. Never looked back.

More times than not in finding this new strength it works out to be beautiful. It’s fine that people don’t like you, it’s AMAZING when you stand your ground, because the world needs more people to stand up for what’s right.

Let’s start a revolution. But very simply, let’s grow our words and our voice, don’t be ashamed of fighting you fight or ruffling some feathers along the way.

If you make people mad, you make them think, and what a beautiful gift.

I’m gonna say it….

healingthrugrowth

We know it as something we aren’t supposed to talk about, its something that we need to shove deep down and hide within ourselves, only to wear a smile on our face and act like its all okay.

Well, the purpose behind this blog is to abolish that. So I’m going to say it, I have a Mental Illness……BOO! Did it terrify you to read? Well then click away now, or hang out and learn a little bit.

Mental illness is NOTHING to be ashamed of. It effects so many of us, day to day you pass numerous people that are going through the same things that you are. But we don’t have any idea…. why? Because we are told that it is a dirty word, there is nothing dirty or shameful about having anxiety, or about experiencing depression. In fact, there is everything beautiful about your battle.

Those of us that have a mental illness are made to feel that us expressing ourselves makes others uncomfortable, but what makes us uncomfortable is our minds…. how terrible is that to have the one thing that is supposed to be with you and working for you, actually make you feel desperate for love, but at the same time unworthy from day to day. When we are vulnerable enough to open up and actually tell you about how we are feeling, take that as an amazing and free moment for us and a moment filled with love and trust for you.

We deserve to not be a curse word, to not be told to “calm down” or “just stop thinking about it” or “get over it” because TRUST ME we would if we could.

So to those of you that are trying to understand mental illness because it effects a loved one of yours….. thank you, seriously from the bottom of my heart thank you for loving them enough to try. And for those of you struggling with mental illness and how to express it in your world, do it how it makes sense for you. That might be not at all, it might be shouting from a mountain top, it might be messaging a friend and telling them how you feel. Whatever your way is, you are doing it right because there is NOTHING that needs to be hidden, nothing about you is shameful.

BE POWERFUL WITHIN YOUR TRUTH.

Secure your masks before helping those around you.

healingthrugrowth

I want to talk about the rule on every airplane…you know the one about breathing masks….“secure your own before helping the people around you.” If you aren’t breathing, you aren’t much help, same goes for being mentally healthy or generally exhausted.

So turns out, you can’t be everything to everyone, you can’t do everything by yourself, and that’s okay. But to some of us (that’s me speaking with wishful thinking, because it might be just me) we want to be everything and do everything….but I’ll let you all in on a little secret….eventually…..it starts to eat away at you.

Today sucked (that’s a PreK swear word, but I’m going to use it.)

I was burning the candle at both ends all day, it started when I tried to ignore anxiety symptoms in the morning I brushed them off and boy did they come back with a vengeance.

Work was a Murphy’s law situation (everything that can go wrong will) and then I came home to be frustrated that I had to cook dinner. So now that I’m in the bubble bath reflecting on my “bad day” here’s what I know:

1. My anxiety was not that bad this morning, but had I acknowledged and respected my feelings before ignoring them, I could have resolved things. But instead I shoved it down to run around and take care of a problem that was not my own.

2. Yes, A TON went wrong at school today but i has MANY coworkers offer to help that I brushed off or told them I was fine and didn’t need it.

3. I was there for my babes, but I did not need to be everywhere and everything for each and everyone of them when there were many moments that I could have fostered their independence and encouraged their discovery of feelings and thoughts.

4. My fiancé offered 55 times to make dinner, everytime I blew it off and mumbled something about it being “my job.”

And now, here I sit, Justin very kindly kissed me, and told me to channel everything to a blog post from the bathtub (whether this was because he was annoyed with me or because he was being sweet…I won’t speculate)

Either way this is a consistent lesson for me.

I don’t have to chip away at pieces of myself to make everything look good or to solve the worlds problems…and neither do you!

Make time for you, help others of course, but don’t let that overshadow self care.

We can’t change the world if we don’t start with our own hearts and minds.

You matter, your care matters, so take it! It’s not a weakness it’s a strength, and such an incredible blessing to be surrounded by people who can help and want to.

Make time for you because you are doing great things ❤️